A recent census taken among cats show that approximately 100% are neurotic. Of course they are. As a human, you have everything they want and you refuse to share it. You take up too much room in the bed, keep the best food for yourself, don't offer them a seat at the table and hang on to the remote control for the TV. This cat's-eye view of thew world is full of helpful pointers, such as: Don't try to give your cat a bath. Cats wash themselves several times a day; the best place to keep food out of a cat's reach is your safe, provided the cat doesn't know the combination; if your cat is willing to share your bed with you, he gets first crack at the pillow, blankets and any space he wants. You get what's left over; explain the rules to your cat. Then follow his; a cat's greatest gift to his owner is that he lends you his presence. That should be more than enough. 
Cat owners know the truth: cats, in fact, own them and their feline needs must be met - sooner rather than later. Illustrated by Jackie Geyer.