FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE CUYAHOGA RIVER FIRE

Q: What is the Cuyahoga River fire?

A: "The Cuyahoga River Fire" refers to any one of at least a dozen times that the Cuyahoga River caught on fire between 1868 and 1969.

Q: What did the Cuyahoga River fire smell like?

A: After extensive research, we have decided that it smelled like a delicious, chocolate-and-peanut butter buckeye, which is a kind of candy that's popular in Ohio. Do not question our research. 

Q: What is on the surface of the candle? 

A: That's the tugboat Arizona, which was destroyed in 1952 after an oil slick floating down the river (!) caught on fire. A photo of the scene later appeared in Time magazine, because nothing sells magazines like a photo of a tugboat on fire. That is how much people hate tugboats. 

Q: What should I do if a river catches on fire?

A: To a large extent that depends on whether or not you're a firefighter.

Q: I'm thinking about getting this candle as a gift for a Clevelander. Is this candle offensive to Clevelanders?

A: Boy, we sure hope not.